To be a better man (Part 1)

Have you ever took anyone for granted. Someone who was always there for you but you never seriously cared? People come together for a reason. For a common cause, some for goals, some for love, some for their beliefs. There comes a time, where there is a little thing up there in you called "concience". Someday, one will realised that selfishness and self centeredness will only hurt those around you. Some will choose to leave, but the ones who stay with you despite everything are the ones who matter the most. I've was once a jerk who never treated relationships seriously and hurt a girl emotionally whom loved me dearly time and time again. I've feel that I've let her down badly...

Early 2002
I was still serving my national service then, being posted to Airport Police Division as the staff assistant to the Head Manpower/ Admin/ Logistics officer. I was posted to this position after a little hassle with the patrol team WO but after speaking to Yixiu (the NSPI in charge of manpower then), I was finally brought up to the administration department. It was a dream posting for me, I was discontented with how things were at the patrol side given the lack of challenges and I was no doubt glad that I finally got a post which will give me more job satisfaction. Back then, I was just 20 with dreams to fufill and was aspired to be successful. I didn't want to be just any national serivce man, I wanted to be someone who will stand out from the crowd. The post was great, I got to know many new friends and my head officer was happy with my job performance.

During this time, I was quite active in online chatting. So much so that I was online every single day (even while on duty... shhhh) Haha. Ok.. I still did my work and maintained a high standard of work commitment so it was'nt much of a problem. Everyday, I just scrolled down the ICQ pages looking for new friends all over the globe to chat with. Every online friend I knew was fun and entertaining but there was this gal who stood out from the rest. What caught my eye was her ICQ nick. "h0^pE". Initially, I deciphered it as "Hoo - pee" ; I thought it was cutre and funny. Hence, I chatted up with her and realised her nick was actually "Hope", a nick inspired by one of her classes during her stint as a kindergarden teacher/assistant. She was called Jermaine and I called her Jer for short. She was unique and we started to click. I later got to know that she was working at Modus media at as a CSR and she did tell her her job was quite routine at times. Endless days were spent chatting with her and we finally agreed to meet up. Ha.. I know some of you out there will be thinking... another chee hong kia.... NS guys are damn desperate. Haha. But not really, I just wanted to meet her up as a new friend and to see her as a real physical person instead as another online personality. Anyway, we agreed to meet outside hereen and at a given timing. When the day arrived, I was there earlier than the stipulated time and I waited.... and waited .... and waited. She was late... and I called... then I waited and waited and waited. Wah Lao!! Waited at the bus stop for close to 1 hour. I was thinking.... what the hell... kena fly aeroplane liao. *sigh* But just when I was about to leave, she arrived.

My 1st impression of her?
This gal is not as friendly as I thought her to be....quite guai lan leh... turn up so late and never even say sorry. Some kind of princess? Hmm... How come like that?

"Ok.. never mind". I thought. "Let's just get this over and done with, since I'm already out." We walked a little, then ended up at taka coffee bean. Chatted a little, she seemed a little friendlier. Soon after, some dude called stanley turned up. (her then- bf). Seems fine to me, but didn't bother much. We chatted for another 5-10 mins and she told me she had to leave. Had to go more some DOG SHOW at marine parade.

I was thinking... "Huh? DOG SHOW at marine parade?? Seems weird lor. But what the heck... how come meet up less than half an hour then need to leave? At least tell me in advance, so I can make other plans..."

Sigh... I smiled and bade farewell to her. Quite a boring and meaningless outing. Overall Rating- 3/10. Should have gone to play C-S with my "banglah" buddies and fragged some kid's ass.

Didn't chat with her for the subsequent week as I didn't feel that she was a nice person. She was too different from her online personality. Oh well.. I did chat up on ICQ occasionally and that was it. Nothing else. Another person living in singapore. No big deal....or so I thought.


Mid 2002
I ORD from the police force, entering a new chapter of my life. I got accepted into NTU engineering and looked forward to experiencing tertiary life for the first time. I had given up on ICQ by then and didn't chat with her anymore. In fact, I didn't keep in contact with her since I stopped ICQ. Things were going on their rountine cycle until one day, I received a sms from her.

**Wanna meet up? I'm meeting up with my best gal fren from NAFA. We can hang out if you want**

(Not the exact words, but the meaning is there)

Okie... unexpected sms, but since I had nothing on then (I was single then) & didn't feel like fragging people on C-S. I agreed. We met up again but I didn't really expect anything out of it given the bad experience earler. This time round, she was early. wow... I thought... maybe it won't turn out as another disaster aferall. She was nicer, sweeter and friendly. Her NAFA friend on the other hand was too chatty, but bo-bian.... I tried to converse with her too. We hung out at a few places in town, had real conversations and my impression of her soon improved by a lot. I didn't know whether she was still with her then-bf but it wasn't really my concern. Soon, the meet ups started from once every month, to once every week to few times a week. Things turned up better than expected. We had dinners together, made silly jokes and shared happy friendship moments together. It was not long, that i realised that this girl was different from the others. Sure... she was not as chio as fann wong or fiona xie, but there was something in her which made me happy while hanging out with her. It was a warm, nice feeling which felt like warm chocolate melting on a nice plate of desert. One fine day, we met up again as usual and hung out in town. (Singapore got not many places to go leh.. haha) then the most unexpected thing happened.

I clearly recalled we were walking along CK tang towards far east plaza when she suddenly held my hand. *Huh?* I thought. It took me completely by surprised. I never tell her on how I felt for her and neither did she tell me how she felt about me. In fact, we only began to hang out for a couple of months.

I was a bit shy then, but also felt quite honoured, coz that was the first time a gal actually initiated to hold my hand.

Haha. Initially i just let her hold my fingers, but then she was quite brave. lol. She even asked me why I didn't want to hold her hand. Finally, I knew I had to give her credit for her actions and also knew I had to show her how I really felt. This girl is definitely different. I held her hand tight and gave her a nice hug on her waist. Nothing else was said between the both of us. We walked down the streets of Orchard Road hand in hand feeling that this was going to be a new beginning. That night, we spoke over the phone and we chatted about events for the day. Then I decided to do what I've never done before. I took a deep breathe and asked her whether she was willing to be my girl. She paused for a moment and my heart skipped a beat. Then, she said to me she liked me too and agreed to be my girlfriend.

That night, I looked out of my room's window and into the sky. The sky was dark and the moon was bright. It was a very magical night and I felt myself high above the clouds.